Fatherhood is no doubt one of the most challenging (and rewarding) relationship roles I have experienced in life. The responsibility to raise up children who are not only decent human beings but also love God is overwhelming at times (not mutually exclusive concepts either, the best humans are the ones who love God the most). Your own issues get worked to the surface and you begin to see the errors you have made in the lives of your children.
John Frame’s triperspectivalism has been one of the most helpful theological methods to grow me as a Christian. I think it’s application is far reaching and impactful for a variety of circumstances. Parenting is no exception to this conviction. When I think about raising my two boys to love God and love others well, here’s how I use triperspectivalism.
I want my kids to engage God and others with their minds. I want them to think clearly, critically, and logically. This can turn sideways when I expect too much from a 6 year old. But in general I don’t want to provide them with simple answers to complex problems (unless it’s after bedtime and it’s the 3rd time they’ve come out of their room). Intellect matters.
I want my kids to engage the world whole-heartedly (to borrow language from Brene Brown). I want them to be deep feelers who are in touch with their emotions. I want them to be curious about their desires and why they do what they do. I want them to grow up knowing how to be vulnerable and how to trust others appropriately. Heart issues matter.
I want my kids to engage others recognizing context and embodied situations. When mommy and daddy are talking, I want them to show respect for our conversation by not interrupting. I want them to value their bodies and know what is an appropriate use of their strength and physical boundaries. I want them to pick up on social cues. I want them to be able to understand how their story fits into the greater story of God’s redemption. I want them to know that they have been very fortunate to be born in America and they shouldn’t take that for granted. Context matters.
Triperspectivalism helps me engage my kids holistically. Rather than treat them as an intellectual project, or a big ball of emotions, or even just going for behavior modification, I am able to see all three as important pieces of them being formed not only as good men but godly men.